howly shiznizzlittt...

So...

I had excessive amounts of alcohol. Than, in a state of extreme consciousness, I decided that instead of going to sleep and snoozing through my first class, I would stay up all night, and go to my first class (9:00 AM) go home, and sleep through the day. So, I drank another white russian, smoked a bit, and walked up to the train station, because a train was coming. I watched the train go by; quite theraputic. I highly recomend it...

I saw a man standing, watching the train go by, just like I was. I walked over, and began talking to him.

"Trains are cool. Yada yada yada... and than we started talking about everything. I felt obliged to stay and talk to him for 3 and a half hours, so I did. Now I'm done. He's still up there, in the train station lobby, because it opened a few minutes ago.

Fiskin eh! That was bixarre!//

How often do you meet a vietnam vet, and talk to him for 3 and a half hours between 1:30 and 5:30 in the AM?

He was a catholic. We spake of religion, the horrors of war, substance abuse, and a bunch of other jive and jiggles...


and now I'm about to pass out, so I'm goona make-a me some-a coffee--aa ..


ha ha!!
until next time; good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight...

Questions best left unanswered

So, I was workin, see? and the manager, this one dude, put the radio on country.
Alright. I don't really mind. Moving on.

This one song came on that went something like this;

nothin' on but the radio.

the soft music that'll soothe the soul.

You and me and the lights, down... low.

nothin' on but the radio.

Now, here's my question.

What does that mean?

does he mean the only thing "turned on" is the radio, and his significant other no longer causes to awaken in him carnal passions of reproduction?

does he mean they tried to watch TV, but there was nothing on, so they're listening to the radio?

does he mean they don't have any music, so they have to listen to the radio?

or, and here's my theory,

does he mean they're both naked listening to the radio?


That's why I love country, there's so many layers of meaning...

I spoke, and they heard me not

Well well well well well...

So. I can't afford cable. Or at least that's what I thought. But what do I know? I'm just a lowly consumer.

The bill was 2 weeks late, and I was still as broke as a Saigon Poker champion.
I decided I'd better call the old cable dudes up and tell them there was no money coming from this house.
and so, with a ringy ding ding, I was connected to someone.

"Hello, this is Christina. I'm here to prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can afford cable. Job, after he lost all his cattle and children, and got boils, still could afford cable. And not basic local cable. We're talkin HBO, and STARZ and..."

(I have to interupt this story, because I just saw a one armed man. He lives across the street. I never even knew there was a one armed man just a stone's throw away from my house. Hey, that gives me an idea...)


Now that we're through with that, back to the story at hand...

"... Comedy Central, and E, and VH1, and MTV, and all that great rubbish. He had no cash, so we accepted payment from him in the form of decorative potschards with paintings on them. If you have no cash, we can let you have cable for 2 years, at the end of which we come and collect payment in the form of one of your kidneys. Or you could get the 10 year plan; you get everything I mentioned for 10 years, and we take your first born son."

I get confused easily, I don't like confrontation. I'm allergic to strangers. She kept talking. She kept lowering prices. She kept giving me more and more and more. And all she wanted in return was $45.05 a month. She even reduced the bill I owed her from $130.00 to $87.07. I almost cried. She was so nice and wonderful to me. I didn't deserve this kind of person. Or cable. But I accepted it anyways.

Than, a week later, (that's today) I realized that when I said I couldn't afford it, I meant it. I paid the bill I owed them of $87.07, and gave them a call.

"listen, I realize how much sacrafice and blood and sweat you put into fiving me all the channels I could possibly care for, and even about 115 that I couldn't possibly care for, and ask only $45.05 in return. I realize you should get some sort of peace prize for this noble work you do, of sending out some pittance of shelter and sedation from the evils of reality. But, in my present condition, with my present check book, I can no longer support your noble cause."
"Excuse me while I transfer you to the correct agent."
"Hello this is Marsha."
"Marsha? These calls are recorded for assurance of acceptable service, right? well, could you just play back what I just said, because it was to long to repeat."
*pause*
"so, mister Hulter, you can't even afford $45.05 a month? Well, than I guess we have no other option than to give you next month free."
"Um, thank you. I'm sorry I doubted your humanitarian cause. I should have known you would find a way for me to stay as one of your people..."

It's just such a beautiful thing.


It's kinda wierd to. a week ago I was $130.00 in debt, and now I get a month of free cable. And not just basic local cable. We're talkin expanded cable, HBO, and STARZ, and Comedy Central, and E, and VH1, and MTV, and all that great rubbish..

I love how they make me feel so victorious, as if I've just won an amazing prize, when I'm still paying to have my time wasted...
dam.


Charlie Brown would get raped if he were real.

Irony, Providince, and Tripe

Irony: Staying up until 4:30 doing homework because it's due at 9:00 the next morning, and than sleeping through the class.

Providence: Going to class an hour late to catch the teacher after class and give him your homework, only to find a notice on the door "class canceled"

Tripe: A Sub-species of eastern european fish often served with a liberal dashing of lemon butter.


yes. I'm tired. And disturbed. I watched a movie today. In psychology class. About a little girl, who wanted to kill things. And her vaginis hurt. I did not enjoy that movie. Now I can't go to sleep without the lights on. I fear the girl with the pins and the ouchy vaginis...